Baltimore, My Heart is Breaking

  I spent the first half of my childhood living in Maryland.  I went to my first Baltimore Orioles game as a baby with my parents.  I grew up going to the Inner Harbor, Orioles Games, the McCormick spice factory, the Maryland Science Museum.  I became a Sociologist because of Baltimore.  I began thinking about social issues as a young child riding in the backseat of my dad’s car through some of the roughest neighborhoods in Baltimore.  Seeing what was going on in that city in the mid 1980s – the crime, violence and decay, made me wonder as a little girl why and how it got to be like that.  It has been a lifelong obsession of mine to study urban issues, Baltimore in particular.  I read the Baltimore Sun and various Baltimore blogs daily.  I root for the Orioles and the Ravens rabidly.  I love that city with all its flaws.  It speaks to me and my compassion for people who didn’t have the same chances and opportunities in life that I was born with.  You may not agree with what I’m going to say but it needs to be said and I’m never one to shy away from speaking my mind.

America is just as racially segregated now as it ever has been.  The only difference now is that racism isn’t overt.  There’s not as much of the “I hate you because you’re black” in-your-face type of racial confrontation and “get to the back of the bus” mentality these days.  It is much more insipid, undercover and harder to root out.  It is what causes a few officers to make a split second decision based on long held stereotypes passed on for generations.  For those of you who don’t believe that the police can be prejudice and will pull you over for no reason other than your skin color…I HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN IT HAS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF WHO WAS IN MY CAR.  I have been questioned by a well-meaning white officer who figured I must’ve been kidnapped by the black PASSENGER that was in my car because  I surely wouldn’t have chosen to be driving around with him.  This hasn’t only happened once but several times.  My ex-husband, a dark Brazilian, has been pulled over and frisked for NO REASON and when he asked the officer what he was being charged with he was suddenly let go with no further explanation.  Do I love the police?  Yes I do, they are heroes and grossly underpaid!  But do I think that some officers let racial stereotypes color their judgment?  Absolutely!

I would like to see the police come up with established standards for use of force.  If people who have been marginalized and been raised with a distrust of the police can see that there is a standard in place instead of fearing an officer will use whatever force he feels compelled, it just might lead to a change in perceptions.  Would this be the answer to everything?  Not at all, but let’s call for police to have a standard that will protect them, and us, from use of excessive force in situations that don’t warrant it.  Such as a man with an outstanding child support  warrant who ran and was shot in the back eight times.  Why did he run?  Only he knows, but I’m assuming he’d had previous negative interactions with police.  If your dealings with the police have only been positive, be grateful.  You really have no room to judge what a person is thinking (or not thinking) when they instinctively run.  It is sad to me that we jump to conclusions so quickly and judge people without knowing the whole story.  That also goes for those people who judge all police officers as racist.  Most police are wonderful people who have taken an oath to serve and protect their community because they genuinely care about the citizens who live there.

There are no easy answers to this particular social issue, but it starts with each individual deciding to try to understand a person before judging them.  If this mentality were prevalent there would be a lot less violence on both sides.  If the rioters would see the police as members of their community with lives and families, they might be less inclined to throw rocks and taunt and attempt to injure them.  If they also felt that the police saw them as humans with value and dignity they might trust a little more.  Let’s stop saying “I don’t see color” or “I’m colorblind”…we all know that’s not humanly possible, our eyes see color.  Let’s start saying “I don’t judge you based on your color.”  I hope the riots in Baltimore lead to greater understanding.  I hope that those community groups fighting to restore peace and hope to the community will grow in number and power.  My heart is breaking for you Charm City.

Don’t Put God on the Back Burner

OK, I admit it, I have become somewhat complacent about this blog lately. When I first heard the call from God to write a blog I was on fire. But with time and the responsibilities of life, things seem to always end up on the back burner.  I would say the same thing has happened with my bible study recently.  I have a plan in place to get back on track with that…I ordered a study bible that should be coming today that will help me understand more than the traditional bible I’ve been reading, and also I am going to start reading from front to back again instead of jumping around.  It was great when I first started doing what my friend termed “bible roulette”…I would sit down thinking about a problem I was having, wait for God to send a book in the bible to my mind and then wait a minute more and I’d receive a number in my mind.  Every single time I did that, the chapter I was lead to was specifically about what I was pondering.  It was amazing!  However, that kind of reading can make you feel like you have ADHD just jumping around.  At one point, I had subscribed in my feed burner to a daily reading plan that was sending me a chapter in the Old Testament, the New Testament, and a chapter in Psalms and Proverbs to read each day.  That worked great at first but then like everything else, I got busy and my feed burner (I subscribe to a lot of cooking blogs, sociology stuff, etc.) got up over 300+ posts when I quit checking it for a few days.  Needless to say that method didn’t work for me!  The point of me telling you all this is to say its ok to try and fail at different approaches…just keep trying until you find the one that works for you.  I am still fine tuning my approach.

Likewise, telling myself “I’m going to write a blog post every Sunday” (which is what I thought when I first started) wasn’t working and I started feeling like a slacker.  Then I decided ok I’ll just write whenever the spirit strikes.  Well, that didn’t work so well either because the spirit usually strikes me around midnight when I have to be up for work in a few hours.  So I would put it off then get too busy the next day to get back around to it.  Then God would kindly put a thought in my mind that I really need to write something.  For example, right now I was on the computer to look at movie times today.  I am not even dressed yet, just enjoying a day off with Olivia, and had no intention of writing.  But thoughts started circulating around my mind about my recent complacency and I realized, this is God’s way of urging me to write.  So write I must.  And this topic, again, is not what I was planning to write (I seem to be saying that a lot in my posts).  Be open to letting God change your plans, He likes to do that sometimes and its actually a great thing when it happens and you hear it.

The only way to keep from becoming complacent about spending time with God each day through prayer, scripture reading and whatever else He calls you to is to make it a priority.  I know that is really cliché and sounds too simple but it is true.  The reason I didn’t write a post for over a month is simply because it dropped down on my priority list.  If I’m not reading my bible nightly like I used to, its because other things took its place near the top of the my list and bumped it down.  I am guilty as charged, but I don’t have to feel bad or beat myself up about it, just need to focus on what I can do now to be recommitted to God as my top priority.  If anyone can beat themselves up, it is me, trust me!  But I have found that if God isn’t beating me up for something, I shouldn’t be either.  I take comfort in knowing that and being aware that He is so forgiving.

I am making a pledge today that I will be better at writing more often and dedicating time daily to my bible study.  It might not be that I post every Sunday, and that’s ok.  I am having so many amazing spiritual experiences lately that I could probably write almost daily but that also wouldn’t be realistic.  I work full-time and am a single mom, those are priorities I can’t shirk.  But God needs to be at the center of everything, and every time I have made it a point to keep Him there, my life is better because my perspective is in the right place and my faith grows as a result.  I wish so much I could somehow share the feelings I have at those times, like a spiritual transplant, because it feels so great even when things aren’t going well around me.  However, the best way I can share that is by sharing what works and hopefully you will find a way to experience that peace yourself.

I have to take a minute to thank God for my Savior and for the atonement on this Good Friday.  God, you are amazing beyond description.  That you would send your beloved Son to suffer and atone for me and my sins is a testament to how much you love all of your children.  Thank you God for knowing me and loving me despite all my flaws.  Thank you for your perfect Son who is the only way to find true peace and joy in this life, and to find my way back to You in the next.  I commit to put You back on the front burner in my life.