Working My Way Back to You God?

Ever since I was given the direction from God to start this blog, I have had so many topic ideas flooding my mind. I’ve been jotting them down as I receive them (really hope my iCloud doesn’t crash because I’ll lose my notes!) but I was having a hard time deciding which would make sense to write about first. I asked God in my prayers the other night to guide me to the next topic He wants me to write about. The next morning as I was getting ready for work a song popped in my head in the shower, which happens all the time. I find that God really talks to me early in the morning, it is quiet, there are no distractions and my mind is clear. People hear from God in so many different ways and one of the main ones I hear from Him happens to be through music. I have been a music fiend my entire life, I have literally thousands of songs and their lyrics stored away in my mind like a human juke box, so naturally God would use what I love to speak to me.

But I digress. The song that came in my mind is a classic by The Spinners “Working My Way Back to You”.   I started singing it to myself, except instead of “I’ve been working my way back to you babe, with a burning love inside” without even thinking I sang “I’ve been working my way back to you God, with a burning love inside”. Then I realized this was the answer to my prayer. I thought to myself OK God, I guess you want me to write about the fallacy that we can somehow work our way back to you. Then I listened to that song about four times on YouTube while I was getting ready, just to cement the idea in my mind. I love how when we hear from God it just energizes us and makes us want to act on it right away! That has been happening so much more often lately now that I’m working on getting closer to Him.

It is a very common misconception among Christians that we can work our way back to God through our own efforts. If you have been living with this belief, please don’t feel bad. Instead, consider yourself a victim of one of Satan’s biggest lies. I am here to testify that you don’t have to be a victim anymore…the most freeing thing in my whole journey has been to realize that NOTHING I can do will ever take me back to God. Nothing! Isaiah 64:6 states it very bluntly, “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags”. Wow, our acts of righteousness are filthy rags to the One who performed the greatest act of service no human being would ever be capable of. The realization our works are insignificant to our salvation can be really disheartening at first and make us feel hopeless, but I guarantee once you accept it as fact you will feel so much freer. If Satan can get you to accept the lie that your work can save you, then he has convinced you that you don’t need Jesus. Think about that…the very people who are most susceptible to this lie are the ones who sincerely want to be with God, yet by believing this they are saying they don’t really need Him. A big part of my transition has been realizing that I need God so much, and that I am nothing on my own. Once you find this out for yourself you will not feel worthless, you will feel amazing! God loves us so dearly that He did something for us that we could never do for ourselves, no matter how hard we work or for how long. All He asks for is our love and devotion in return.

I actually came to this understanding while still an active Mormon. God planted the seeds in me several months prior to my decision to leave organized religion. I was sitting in a Sacrament meeting on High Council Sunday. For any non-LDS readers, Sacrament is pretty tedious to begin with but High Council Sunday is well known for being the driest of the dry speakers that lull people to sleep with their rambling talks. Don’t diss me for saying that LDS people…you know it’s true! This particular Sunday was different though. The High Councilman was speaking on the atonement, a topic that has been hashed and rehashed so many times it’s easy to put your brain on autopilot and only half listen. He read a passage from a book many LDS people have probably read but I had never heard of called “Believing Christ” by Stephen E. Robinson. What he read was so different from anything I’d ever heard spoken in an LDS meeting before, I instantly got the strong urge to go find and read the book, which is what I did. That one talk has literally changed my life. If you are totally content with organized religion, I still challenge you to read the book, it will change your perception of the atonement and of your relationship with Christ. What the speaker shared boils down to this…you can’t work your way back to God, you can’t save yourself. So simple, but so radically different from what I had been taught my entire life. I am not here to bash the LDS church, but it, like most other churches, is so heavily focused on DOING that the idea of just loving and following God are lost in the background. We become so busy doing that we forget the real reason why we are doing it or even who we are doing it for. If you have ever found yourself saying “I have to go to a church meeting now” or “I have to teach Sunday School this week” or “I need to bring the new neighbors some cookies” you are missing the whole point! You are doing because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. You think you can prove your worth and that God will be happy with you and accept you if you do those things. Guess what!? God loves you no matter what you do or don’t do! He accepts you as you are! I’m using lots of exclamation points in this post because I am so convinced of this and I want you to know it is the truth.

The whole point of the book “Believing Christ” is that so many of us believe in the atonement, believe in Christ as our Savior, but we don’t believe Him when He says He can save us from ourselves and our sins. This requires absolutely no effort on our parts, He has already done the work for us. What is required of us is to love Him and seek after Him constantly. Once you really find a true personal relationship with Christ you will bake your neighbors cookies or share the gospel with friends because you love Jesus so much you just feel happy all the time and want to spread your joy to others. The thing that so many church minded people (I myself was guilty) have gotten wrong for so long is thinking “I have to do all these things to get closer to God” then He will love me, when really you have to be close to and love God FIRST and then start serving Him because you love Him so much. I hope you will seriously take this into consideration, pray about it and see if it makes sense to you. It has been an epiphany for me and has really changed my heart towards God. In fact, right now I don’t feel like I am going out of my way to serve anyone because I am working on myself and being close to Him first so that I can effectively serve Him in the future. I could write so much more about this but I have touched lightly on areas that I will talk about in depth in other posts so I’ll save it for later. Until then, don’t ever forget how much God loves you and wants you to find Him and be happy. It isn’t as hard as it seems, because God really is within reach.

Leaving Your Comfort Zone

Welcome to my blog, which I intend to be an open and honest look at my experiences as a life-long member of the LDS church who is in transition away from the church and into mainstream Christianity. For any non-Mormon who might read this, LDS faithful use “the church” to refer only to the LDS church, it is not used in the same sense as Christ himself and most Christians use it (such as in Ephesians 5). When I mention “the church” in my posts, it will generally be referring to the LDS church.

By way of introduction, my name is Heather. I am a 38 year old, divorced mother of a 12 year old daughter whom I love dearly. I was born in Connecticut and my parents moved to the Washington, DC area when I was a baby. They divorced several years later and my mom moved with my two younger sisters and I to Utah when I was nine. At the time my parents wed, my mom had been a convert for a few years and my dad hadn’t joined yet but would within a year or so. They were later married in the Washington DC temple and I was born shortly after. My parents both take the church very seriously and they have been totally converted to it and to the LDS culture. I want to make it clear that I love both my parents and they have done the best with what they know, and they provided a very happy and comfortable childhood for us.

My sisters and I were raised in a very active, church going home – attending church on Sunday was not an option, it was a given. I fully and happily participated in all the ordinances and activities offered by the church. I have always known without a doubt that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost existed and that they loved me and wanted the best for me. I read my Book of Mormon, completed all the church awards and recognition I could, and even graduated from the high school Seminary program. My senior year of high school I researched many colleges on the East Coast and was very set on a particular one in Virginia, where my dad’s family is from. I always had a strong desire to move back east where I felt I fit in better, but eventually ended up attending a state school in Utah as I couldn’t imagine myself moving outside of my comfort zone.

As an adult I have had many trials which have tested me to my limits and increased my faith in God and in the power of prayer. I have held many church callings and been involved in doing the work of the church on a regular basis. I have paid a full tithing, watched every General Conference, sustained my leaders, taught many classes at church, shared the gospel with several non-member friends, spoken in Sacrament service many times, and always performed any service that was asked of me. The church has been a way of life and a comfort to me, so I didn’t take the decision to leave lightly.

Some facts you should know about me for future reference:
1. I have a strong faith in God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost and this is the foundation of everything else I will share with you.
2. I have been a very faithful Mormon most of my life. For a few years in my twenties I was totally inactive and didn’t ever attend church or even pray because I was too ashamed of myself and some bad choices I had made. I went back to church on my own and even worked to be worthy to receive my first temple recommend. I have attended the temple dozens of times and have the ceremonies memorized. (Note: Out of respect to the LDS church and the fact that they hold these ceremonies sacred, I will not be sharing any details of them here.)
3. I was raised by faithful and devout parents who never question the church or its organization.
4. Because none of our other relatives are members and because I grew up in a very diverse area, I have always had a very open heart and accepted anyone of any faith without judgment.

It is uncommon for a person of my level of activity and knowledge of the church to leave it by their own free will and not due to church disciplinary action (IE. Excommunication). So, you ask…why did you decide to leave? My answer is, I realized I was too comfortable, I was deep in a “spirit of religion” (more on that in another post) which kept me from progressing in my relationship with my Savior. Let me explain with an analogy. I love the way Jesus always taught in parables, so here’s a modern day parable. Imagine yourself snuggled up in bed under a nice warm blanket, it’s cold and dark out and you’re super comfy…the last thing you want to do is get up. Then the alarm rings, reality hits, and you realize that it’s time to wake up and get moving. Maybe you hit the snooze a few too many times like I always do. You’d love to stay in bed where you don’t have to make any decisions or do any work, you don’t even have to change your clothes or do your hair! Getting up means facing another day filled with challenges that quite frankly are sometimes overwhelming. Getting up means you get to face your tired self in the mirror and let’s admit it not many people look amazing early in the morning! If you’re like me, getting up means kicking yourself for staying up way too late the night before doing stuff that really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things.

Now, imagine that the bed is religion…whether it be the LDS church or any other organized religion. It’s so warm and comfy there, that “bed” is even filled with other like-minded people who make us feel so secure that we never want to leave. Getting out of your comfort zone, facing yourself in the mirror, noticing your flaws and weaknesses, regretting how you have been spending so much time on unimportant things, all of that is scary. Many of us want to pull the covers up over our heads and shut out reality. But facing fears is necessary for any real growth and progress to occur. You can stay in the bed and feel safe for a little while, but you will literally not be going anywhere. The same is true if you don’t challenge your own beliefs and your relationship with God – you will not be making any progress toward Him and a real relationship with Him. And that is really why we are here, to know God and to find our way back to Him.

Imagine if you’ve been in the safety of that comfort zone your entire life. It is incomprehensible for most church members to accept that being safe and following a set of rules is not the way to find God. Even the thought of going away from how I was raised or the notion that I didn’t really have a true relationship with God was a completely radical concept to me until a few months ago. It took me awhile to see that leaving the church wasn’t taking me away from God, but that I am running towards Him. Religion is a crutch, which actually keeps us away from a real, personal relationship with God. I know this is going to sound counterintuitive to any devout member, but please stay with me as I explain my journey here in upcoming posts.

The point of all this is to proclaim to you, as I have found for myself that…GOD IS WITHIN REACH! He is closer than you think, and He wants YOU! He loves you more than you can even imagine. He wants to show you His true nature and His glory, but you have to make the first move…you have to get up, throw off the covers and say “God, I’m ready for this!” and really mean it. It will not be easy, it will not be as comfy as staying in the “bed”, but it will bring you more joy than you can ever find playing it safe. I am still in my infancy in this journey to God and I am already feeling such peace and hope in my own life. I am so excited to share some of the awesome spiritual experiences I have been having recently that have led me to know this blog is what God wants me to do for Him! Until then, keep your head up and know that God loves you all the time and no matter what.